Starting to Breathe Again
by ECgirlforever09
Summary: Bella and Edward are happy at least that is what Bella thought. Edward just leaves without saying a word and the Cullen's disappear. Three years later Edward comes back. Is Bella as happy as she seems. OOC SM owns everything except my original characters.
1. Chapter 1

_**Prologue **_

Bella and Edward are happy together or so Bella thought and then Edward leaves suddenly and without saying a word. Bella is broken more than anyone knows more than she even realizes as time passes and as a new love interest appears will she be able to handle the changes. Edward comes back after 3 years but is Bella happy everything tells him she is. Then why outside her room did he hear her muffled sobs and her call his name. Is she really as happy as she seems and should he let her know he is back did she finally do what he always hoped she would has she moved on to a real human life?

_**Bella's POV**_

"Bella" Charlie said and looked over at me with a worried expression I hadn't been the same since _he_ left. I slept for the first month cried the second and now I was what Charlie called a zombie. Maybe he was right I felt numb all over except for the huge rip in my in the middle of my chest where my heart should have been but it was ripped out and crushed three years ago. I couldn't breath sometimes the pain was to unbearable like right now was one of those times. I sighed how many times had he called my name this time I thought and then said "Yes, Dad sorry" I looked up from my school book I had my ipod earphones in so I lifted them up saying "I didn't hear you." I lied I wasn't listening to anything I was trying to think about nothing because I had to write a paper for English Lit class and I absolutely hated the topic: Romeo and Juliet. _He _once said as we were in high school that _He_ envied Romeo. I thought it was because Juliet was so beautiful but that was not it _He_ was said it was so easy for human to kill themselves. I had to wonder if it was so easy then why had I not been able too I guess in the first couple for months I hadn't had the courage and now three years later I still didn't. Charlie had wanted to send me to Renee in Florida but I refused to leave Charlie had thought it was because of _him_ but it wasn't I really loved being with my dad I just wished he picked somewhere else to live. It was cold and rainy and green and so weird here in Forks Washington, I was used to dry dust I always lived with my mom in Arizona that had been so long ago now. I looked up and Charlie was starring at me so I took out one of my earphones and said "Dad did you ask me a question?" "Yes, Bells are you going out with Jake tonight?" "Yes Dad as soon as I get this paper semi done I have to turn it in on Monday. Why did Jake call?" "Yea, about twenty minutes ago asked if you were ready to go" "Ok I'll call when I am done" "OK" Charlie said going back to watching his sports channel. I finished the paper without to much more trouble and when upstairs into the bathroom looking in the mirror I said to the image I saw there "Boy do you need to get a life and your own place" I had thought about moving on campus I was attending the community college in Port Angeles which so only about a half an hours drive from Forks but I worried who would take care of Charlie that was a year and a half ago and now him and Sue Clearwater were dating and almost every night since then he would go to her house for supper just like he was later tonight. I knew he would now be ok I just had to break the news to him I would be leaving in a couple of weeks I already had a room mate lined up and I had a job waiting for me when the semester ended. I needed this I kept telling myself I needed to move on to be on my own so to speak to try to start breathing again it had been three years enough time I told myself but I really didn't believe it I would never be able to love someone else I was ruined completely. When I finally realized it I had decided to talk to Jacob he was my best friend but he loved me in a way I couldn't love him back, I need to fair to him and let him go, so he could find someone who would love him the way he needed to be loved. I was twenty-one years old it was time for me to grow up and to move on with my life no matter how hard it might be. By the time I got downstairs Jacob was in the living room talking to Charlie I smiled at him when he said "Hey, Bells you look beautiful tonight were are we going" "Twisted is that cool" "Heck yeah I love that place" "Great are you ready?" "Yep see you Charlie" Jacob said standing up and shaking Charlie's hand. I had met Jake through Sue when Charlie and her started dating I went for a dinner with them and Sue invited him to come also. We hit it off fine I always thought Jake was a great friend he knew my past I could talk to him about anything so I hoped I wouldn't loss that after tonight but only time would tell him. "Bye dad see you in the morning I guess" "OK Bella be careful tonight" "Thanks I will" I said walking out the door and getting into my truck and waiting for Jake to get in and he said "We could take my car this time you know" "Yeah but I like to drive so it's cool" Jacob was nineteen and every part of him loved to drive but I need my truck tonight just in case things didn't go as I hoped I would hate to have to call Charlie to come and get me in the police cruiser how completely pathetic do you have to be to be picked up outside a club by your dad in a cop car no less.

When we finally got there and when inside I ordered us two beers and we sat down at a table close to the dance floor and I smiled as Jake took a drink and looked at the dance floor then back at me and said "Hey do you want to dance" "Yeah why not" I said putting off the talk I need to have with him for a little longer. As we dance to some weird techno music I thought about what I was going to say when the song ended and we walked back over to the table I said "Jake I need to talk to you ok?" He looked at me and said "I am not going to like this am I?" I smiled a little smile and shook my head no and said "I need to be fair to you I need to stop being selfish. Jake I can't love you the way you love me don't misunderstand me I love you but like you would love a best friend and that is what you are to me Jake my best friend I need for you to understand I can't give my heart to you like you can to me because I don't have a heart to give it shattered into millions of different little pieces three years ago and I will never be able to put it back together." I stop and looked up at his sad eyes and continued "So I need to be fair and let you go to find someone who will love you the way you need to be love Jake" I looked at the floor and then up at him and he said "Bells, I understand but can you just try for me please" "Oh Jake I have been for the last year I have been trying I just cant and you have been more than patient I know your just dieing to kiss me but Jake I cant I am so sorry I thought I could but I cant and I also wanted to tell you I am moving to Port Angeles after the semester is over I am moving in the dorms with a roommate I need to try to start breathing again Jake and I cant do it here." "Have you told Charlie?" "No not yet" "Bella" He started I could tell he was trying to control his temper because when he turned around and looked at me his eyes were black as midnight and his voice was hard as steel when he said "Well I hope you have a nice life Bella" He started to walk away and I caught is arm and said "Jacob I am so very sorry I didn't do any of this on purpose you understand that right" "Whatever Bella I have to go" He spat angrily at me and I called to him "Jake wait please" "What the hell for Bella you already said I was not Edward so therefore you couldn't love me so forget it and let me go then" and he walked out the door he knew exactly what to say to kill me where I stood. I stumble back to the table and put some money on it for the drinks and left once I walked outside and got into my truck I couldn't hold the tears back anymore the rip in my chest was back and worse than ever so I laid over in the seat and cried until I thought I couldn't cry anymore I had lost the last bit of sun shine left in my life my Jacob he had once promised to never say _his_ name but when I had made him angry enough he did it I hurt him so he hurt me back when I was finally able to drive home I drove slowly and when I finally did make it home it was after two in the morning and I walked in and went upstairs and called Jake and got his voice mail and asked him to call me I told him I was sorry again I wanted to make sure he had got home ok I laid down on the bed with my clothes from the club still on and I didn't care I just wanted to get away I just wanted to not feel the pain anymore so I cried myself to sleep and I dreamed of Edward once again he was standing in my room and I opened my eyes and saw him and said "Why? Why Edward why did you leave I need you! I can't breathe unless you're here. I feel like I am dead but I can't die. I feel like I can't breathe but I can. Where are you?" I woke up then screaming his name and started sobbing again when I realized that he wasn't there it was just a dream once again. I had dreamed of _Him_ almost every night since _he_ left what were once pleasant dreams turned to nightmares in the last three years. I tried but I couldn't go back to sleep and I looked over at my clock it read 7:30am. Charlie had gone fishing this weekend with some friends so the house was empty by now so I got up went downstairs and found that he had left me some coffee and I pour a cup and sat down and sighed. I was going to like not have to pretend to be happy for a while since no one was here but me I smiled despite my pain over losing Jake.

After I ate breakfast I pulled my ipod out of my backpack and turned it on and washed the dishes, straighten up the house, did all the laundry and when I was finally done I collapsed in to bed at 10pm I was exhausted I quickly fell asleep and like every other night I dreamt of _Him_ I woke up with a scream lodged in my throat and I laid there sobbing like always I must have fallen asleep again because I woke up at one to the sound of Charlie coming in the house I sighed and rolled over and closed my eyes as my door opened he said "Bells you ok?" "Yeah dad I'm fine didn't sleep well that's all how was the trip?" "Ok got some fish" "cool" "Get some rest Bells I see you in the morning" "Yeah ok dad thanks" I fell asleep again and slept soundly until 5 the next morning I rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom and then walk into the kitchen Charlie was up and I said "Good Morning Dad" "Morning Bella did you sleep well last night" "Yeah I did I guess I just woke up. Hey dad I want to talk to you for a minute you have time" "Yeah sure what's up" "I am moving out in a couple of weeks I got a dorm room at school and I will be sharing with someone I also got a job waiting for me at a little book store by the school" "Really?" "Yeah I know Sue cooks for you most of the time and well dad I am really old enough to set out on my own and I am only 30 minutes away if you need me but dad I really need this" Charlie looked at me and then walked over and gave me a hug this was one of the few times where we actually touched we both felt strange about it but this time it was nice and then he said "I proud of you kiddo that takes a lot of courage what your doing I am glad you are trying to do something different" "Yeah I am really looking forward to it" "Good so when is the move date" "The week after school is out" "Alright well Bells I will miss you but I am happy for you and I need to go I have to be at the station early today" "OK I will miss you too dad but I will be good for me and be careful today" "I will see ya" "See ya" I said as he walked out the door.

Time flew by and before I knew it the first day of school was upon me. My roommate Amy and I were getting along great actually we were great friends and I was soon telling her about everything I had been through and we were taking most of the same classes so a couple of weeks after school started on Friday night as we were chillin on the couch in our dorm I said "Amy do you want to check out this club called Twisted I haven't been there since the thing with Jake but I could really use a night out" "Awesome let's see if Brandi and Shawn want to go with us" "Cool" Amy and I had a few classes with Brandi she was one of the few married students but she was still awesome to hang out with. Amy came back a few seconds later and said "Brandi said Shawn had to work but she would love to come she said she would meet us there in about an hour is that good with you" "Yea that's great" I said getting off the couch and getting ready and we were out the door in 30 minutes and on our way to the club once we arrived and got inside we found Brandi sitting at a table looking bored as this guys started talking to her she smiled politely at him and then said something and lifted her hand and then the guys walked off she then caught me looking at her and smiled sliding her small frame of the chair. She was a short little thing I think she was five foot and maybe weight 100 pounds soaking wet she had long black silky hair blueish green eyes and the sweetest smile and a heart of gold no wonder people were instantly drawn to her like I was and when she finally made it over to us she hugged me and said "Hey Bella how are you" "I am good Brandi! How is Shawn?" "Being a husband I guess" She laughed and hugged Amy and said "Hey did you know my parents are coming for Christmas they wanted to see you do you think you could come by the house then or are you going home?" "NO I will be there I am not going home Sarah and Beth are going to be in Hawaii with their husbands so I am just staying here mom said it was ok if I did want to come home" I sat down at the table and look on the dance floor I hadn't danced since Jake and I were here and I don't think I was going to tonight. I looked up and Amy and Brandi were sitting down when Brandi said "Bella I am so sorry that was really rude of me are you going to Charlie's for Christmas because if not I would love to have you come over to" "Oh Brandi you're the farthest thing from rude in the world I don't know what I am going to do yet but I will let you know ok" "Cool you girls want something to drink?" "Yeah beer please" I said and Amy shook her ahead then Brandi disappeared and a few minutes later came back with three Corona's "Ah perfect my favorite" I said smiling at her "Yeah mine to" she said with a little blush appeared on her face and I turned around and watched the different couple dance and after a couple more beers I was ready to dance so Amy went out on the floor with me and I laughed and said "why doesn't Brandi dance" Amy smiled and said "Hmm you don't want to see her dance by herself it is kinda embarrassing" "Can't be any worse than me" "Yes it can Shawn is the only one who can keep that in rhythm" Amy said laughing and after the song ended and we walked back to the table Brandi laughed and said "Amy told you my dirty little secret didn't she" I smile and she said "Yep I prefer to look like I know what I am doing and I cant if Shawn isn't here" I laughed again grabbed the next round of beers and turned to watch the floor again. I was about half way done with my drink when I noticed a wonderful smell in the air I cringed that smell reminded me of _him_ and the rip in my heart busted opened and I down the last bit of my drink and said good night to Brandi and Amy and asked if Amy wanted to go but Brandi said she would drop her off and that I didn't look like I felt well at all and asked if I could make it home ok and I smiled and said "Yea I will be great I just need some air be careful you guys ok" After I said goodbye I walked out of the club and around the corner to my truck when I came face to face with the someone I hadn't thought of in three years and my heart skipped a beat. Victoria.

"Bella" she hissed "You look well I haven't had this pleasure in a while I have been stopped every time I try to get close to you finally I will get the revenge I have sought for so long" Maybe it was the beer in my systems that made me misunderstand what she said "Had she said something about being stopped every time she got close to me? I know now I had way to much to drink and I said "Victoria what are you doing here?" she smiled at me and said "Bella, I thought with all the classes you have been taking that you would have gotten a little smarter" "What" I asked and saw Victoria crouch in to an attack stance and I froze as she said "I am finally going to make Edward suffer as much as I have since he killed James" a sick smile crossed her face and I said "He wont suffer, he left, he didn't want me, he wont care what you do to me now he doesn't love me anyway" I said getting ready for her to pounce when I felt a breeze and a intoxicating and familiar scent fill the air and a angelic voice I would know anywhere and after three years say "Bella, Love you are very much mistaken" I was stunned because right behind Victoria stood Edward and I gasped and everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Edward's POV**__-a few minutes before Bella leaves the club._

I walked in the club and my heart if it had still been beating would have stopped. I saw my Bella she was laughing and dancing and drinking with some girl friends of hers. I watched as she down a beer and walked on the dance floor and said "why doesn't Brandi dance" The blonde answered her but I didn't listen I was in shock as I stood there and thought _Bella when did you start drinking beer oh well I guess a lot had changed in three years, Bella was now twenty-one._ When the song ended Bella and the blonde girl walked back over to a table and Bella laughed at what who I assumed was Brandi said and then she thought loudly and with a huge amount of concern _Bella, sweetheart you look so tired_ I immediately looked back at my beautiful Bella and she did look tired and unhappy I heard her sharp intake of breath and her immediate glance in my direction I stepped back in the shadows and heard her beautiful voice tell her friends goodnight and start to walk off when my phone rang. I looked down it was Alice the only member of my family I spoke to regularly these last three years. "Alice" I said answering the phone "Edward, Bella" Alice's panic voice came over the phone then silence and I said "What do you see Alice" I only heard one word that sent me after my Bella "Victoria" I hung up the phone and darted out the door and I arrived around the corner to see Victoria crouched in front of Bella and then my still heart broke by what I heard next Bella's voice was so small and weak so defeated and so tired that I could hardly hear it from this far away "He wont suffer, he left, he didn't want me he wont care what you do to me now he doesn't love me anyway" I ran passed Bella and said "Bella, Love you are very much mistaken" I heard her gasp and then I saw her start to fall and my protective instinct to my Bella won over my instinct to kill Victoria and I caught Bella in my arms right before she hit the ground. She had passed out and I held her in my arms something I had wanted to do, longed to do for three years to feel her warm body against mine and to be enveloped by her wonderful scent again. She shivered it was cold out tonight so I picked her up and set her in the truck unwilling letting go of her and walking around and staring to drive off toward her dorm room when I saw her began to stir and open her eyes and look at me my breath caught I could read so many emotions run through her eyes right now anger, pain, hurt, betrayal, confusion but the one that hurt the most was hatred in the last three years I had made her hate me I took the love she had for me and turned it into hate once again I hate myself for leaving I took a breath and looked at her and she blinked and then pinched her arm and muttered "Ouch" and then she looked up at me and said "What the hell do you think your doing" I sighed and said softly "I am taking you back to your dorm room is that ok" my heart sunk I was right the look in her eyes was hate. I made a vow right here right now I would be or do or give my Bella whatever she wanted if she would just let me into her heart again and I hoped it wasn't too late. She hadn't answered my question so I asked again "Bella is it ok if I take you back to your room or is there somewhere else you need to go?" She just starred at me and the finally said "No don't take me there I want privacy" I drove to the park a couple miles from the school and parked the truck and turned it off and waited for the all out assault that I more than deserved from Bella but she remained quite for a long time and just starred at me I looked at her finally and said "Please Bella Love, say something" "Don't call me that" her angry voice said "What?" "Love, don't call me that" "Why not its true you're my love" "Oh right I am so much your love that you disappear without a word take away my best friend and my family and say and I quote "I don't want you" and you expect me to let you call me that after three years are you insane" "Bella, I…I lied Bella" I dropped my head this was going to be harder than I thought "What? You lied about what? Wait I don't care. I don't know why you saved me tonight was it some overgrown since of guilt?" "No Bella, I lied that day in the forest I lied to you I do want you and I do love you more that anything. I thought I was doing what was right for you I thought I was protecting you by leaving" I looked over at her and tears were falling from her face and I reached to wipe them off and she said through gritted teeth "Don't touch me" I drew my hand back I was in shock she had never not wanted me to touch her and yes I admitted it hurt to hear it but it was what I deserved for what I had done to her so I put my hand back on the wheel and sighed "Bella" I started and the door opened and she slide out and stood the next to the truck I watched from my seat and then slowly I got out and walked around the truck. I ached I hold her to make her understand how sorry I was and how much I loved her but she wouldn't look at me she kept her eyes on the ground. "Bella" I said again and then she looked up at me the anger gone for the moment the only thing left in her eyes was a look of pure anguish I knew that feeling well I had barely existed with it for three long years. Then I heard her ragged tear filled voice say "Victoria said she had been stopped time and time again as she tried to kill me. Was that you?" "Yes I have been tracking her" "How long" "The entire time I was gone" "Edward, is this the first time you have been here" my breath caught again she said my name oh how I had longed to hear my name fall off those beautiful lips again but I had to answer her question and I knew she would hate me and possible walk away from me forever so I ran my hand through my hair and put my head in my hands and said "No" and just as I feared she started to walk off and I called after her "Bella please" "Leave me alone" she said tears falling down her face faster now I called to her several more time and she totally ignored me and continued walking. "Bella, you know I can't do that please stop you can't see it's dark and you could hurt yourself please stop let me explain, let me touch you, let me love you again God Bella please" I was begging now and I didn't care I only wanted her to stop and listen to me, she only stopped because I was standing in front of her now and then she looked up and whispered "No" but I knew by the look in her eyes she wasn't telling the truth her heart began to tender to me again I breathed a small sigh of relief. I hesitantly reach out to touch her cheek with my fingertips and she shivered then I cupped her cheek with that same hand I smiled when she leaned into my hand and I whispered "My Beautiful Bella" she looked up at me and starred for long moment then all the sudden threw herself in my arms and started sobbing I held her tight unwilling to let this moment the moment I had thought about for three years go when her sobs came to an end she looked up at me with them big beautiful dark brown pool for eyes and said "Edward, why I was dieing with out you I couldn't breath, but I didn't die like I wanted to" Her voice was so small and the pain I heard in it sent a cold chill down my spine "I am so sorry Bella I came into your room one night about a year after I left and I watched you sleep and you were talking in your sleep you seemed happy so I thought you had moved on so I left and stayed away." My face crumble at the memory of another's name on her lips and she said "What did I say" I looked at her and said my voice lifeless and flat "You said My Jacob my sunshine and then you smiled in your sleep" Tears sprang to my Bella's eyes and she said "Oh Edward the one night you checked on me had to be the one night I didn't have nightmares and wake up screaming your name" "What? you woke up with nightmares" I whispered I hated myself even more for not checking on her more times than I had. "Yes every night, Jacob was my best friend and that is how I thought of him he made me feel warm and some what happy but he wanted more from me but I couldn't I…" Bella voice trailed off and I said "What?" "The last time I was at Twisted was with him I told he I couldn't be with him the way he wanted me to because I gave my heart to someone else and he was the only persons I could ever be with like that. He got mad at me and hasn't spoken to me in months" "Oh Bella I…" My voice trailed off I so wanted to show her how I felt about her that nothing had changed in the area in the last three years "I am so sorry that I wasn't there the other nights but I am now until you tell me to leave you I will be whatever you want me to be for you but I need to know am I too late?" I said trying to steel myself for her answer knowing what I put her through the last three years she might not love me anymore "To late for what Edward" I looked at her confused face hoping to convey how much I loved her and I said "Is there someone else Bella have you moved on am I too late do you love another" Her eyes filled with tears and I held my breath she had moved on I would have to let her go I smiled a little smile and kissed her forehead and was about to let go when she fisted my coat and said "I gave you my heart Edward and I would have given you anything else you wanted even my life. No, Edward you're the only person I love and will ever love" Without thinking I lower my lips to hers beautiful lips those lips I had thought of, yearned for, and wanted to touch so bad in the last three years what I thought would turn out to be a tender kiss began to deepen when Bella responded with a small moan and her hands wrapping around my neck her fingers easily finding their way to my hair and pulling me closer. To my surprise this was the one thing about our relationship that hadn't changed. When I realized what I had done and I broke the kiss off and said "Bella I am sorry I shouldn't have forced you to do…" My words were cut off as her lips met mine and a soft moan escaped her mouth again and I felt a new desire this time and it had nothing to do with her blood in fact the bloodlust was totally gone I didn't want her blood anymore I just want everything else she would give me willingly. I moaned and then realized that she broke the kiss off because she needed to breathe and I smiled and said "Why didn't we kiss like that before" My Bella looked at me giggled and said "I think you were to busy trying not to kill me?" "I think you're right should I take you home" A panic look came across Bella's face as she said "Only if you're staying with me?" "Bella I am not leaving, I cant leave you it would be physical painful for me to be away from you now even for a minute I believe your stuck with me" I said smiling at her and she said "Damn well I guess I'll have to learn to deal with it" My Bella giggled again I gasped that was the best sound I had ever heard and I missed it.

_**Bella's POV**_

Edward was back! He drove my truck to my dorm hall and I sighed. _What was he doing here? I should still be angry with him. Everything in me wanted to be angry and I was for a while tonight but when he begged me to stop and to listen to him to let him love me again I couldn't help it. Yes I still loved him and would till the day I died. But God he killed me three years ago and now all the sudden he reappears and then I heard that he had been back and never said anything to me until tonight. I was mad because he couldn't check on me another night and the one that had he did I had to say Jake's name. Yes Jake had been my sunshine to all the darkness I was in he was the bright part of my day the way out of being crushed by my broken heart. _I was pulled out of my thoughts by Edward's angelic voice "Bella, is this the right building?" "hmm yea it is I'm on the third floor"

Edward and I walked into the building and up to our room the light was on _Great Amy is still up_ I thought so I put my key in the door and turned it once inside I saw Amy jump to her feet she turned to look at me and said "Bella oh my god are you ok I…" Her voice cut off as she saw Edward behind me and she looked at me and I said "Oh Amy this is Edward Cullen, Edward this is Amy Smith my roommate and friend" Amy smiled politely "Oh hi Edward" her eyes found mine again and she said "Bella I was so worried I left you messages and you never called back" "Yea I had a little problem and Edward helped me out" "Oh ok well I am glad your ok I am going to bed ok" Amy said hugging me and walking off and then she turned around and said "It was nice to meet you Edward" "You to Amy I am sorry we sacred you" "It's ok I love Bella and wouldn't want anything to happen to her that's all" I saw the look she gave him and then closed the door. I turned around and said "My room is over here" Edward followed me in to my room and I sat on the bed I was half in a daze and he touched my hand and said "Bella are you ok" "What was she thinking?" "Hmm" that wonderful crooked grin my grin crossed his face as he continued "Amy is a very protective person over the people in her life she was hmm thinking of several ways of killing me if I hurt you again" I laughed shook my head "Yes she is she once bit Shawn's head off because he hurt Brandi's feeling" "Oh was she the black hair woman you were with tonight at the table" "Wait that was you in the club I knew I smelled you" I said looking in to those beautiful honey colored eyes "Yes I went in there because I liked the music then I saw you and I froze when you looked at me and then when you turned your head and said Goodbye to them I followed you I was going to tell you I had come back and I was going to hmm…" Edward trailed off he knelt in front of me his eyes begging me for something "Bella, I was and am begging you for your forgiveness I was wrong and stupid I thought I was protecting you and then I found out from Alice that you were jumping of cliffs and riding motorcycles and other dangerous stuff and then I came to check on you and you really seemed happy or so I thought I…" "Edward I was only pretending for Charlie's sake he kept saying something about shipping me off to Florida if I didn't snap out of it he was scared for me I well…" My voice trailed off I couldn't tell him he couldn't see how weak I was without him. "What Bella please tell me" "Your not going to like what you hear are you sure you want to hear it at all" "Yes" Edward said and grabbed my hand _oh how I had missed the feeling of his cold hand in mine_ "Well for the first month I was sleeping all the time and the second I was crying and since then Charlie called me a zombie because I wouldn't eat anything that's when he said he was scared for me and threaten to make me move in with my mom" I heard Edward's sharp intake of breath.

_**Edward's POV**_

My Bella my angel wasn't eating no wonder she was so thin and fragile looking. I would never be able to forgive myself for this even if she was able to forgive me by some miracle. "Bella" I whispered caressing her beautiful face with my hand "I will never be able to say I am sorry enough or forgive myself for what I have done to you but I hope by some miracle you can forgive me because I didn't think no I know I can't continued to exist without you" I was looking into those beautiful brown orb's pleading for her to speak to me. When she spoke I heard one the sweetest sentence come from her lips "Edward, I forgive you" I smiled at her as her hands touched my face pulling my closer as our lips met I finally felt at home for the first time in three years I felt at peace. The kiss began to deepen and Bella broke the kiss first I realized she needed to breathe I smiled and said "Love are you tired" "Yes I am I have to take a shower I will be back in a few minutes" "I will be right here" "OK" Bella said getting off the bed and getting some clothes and before she walking out of the room she turned around and said "I love you Edward." When she was gone I called Alice "Hello Edward I so glad you answered this phone when you did was she ok" "Alice it's not like you don't already know and yes she is fine I think she is…" "I know taking a shower I am surprised you did go with her?" "Alice please I don't know if she is ready yet I don't want to overwhelm her" "Oh yeah well she be ready soon" Alice laughed on the other side of the phone and then said "Can I call everyone and tell them we can go home now?" "Yes if they want to that is?" I said with I sigh I had really screwed things up with my family and I need to fix it especially with Carlisle "Oh I better go in about 1 minute Bella will walk back into the room bye Edward love you" "Love you to Alice bye" I said and smiled and exactly 45 seconds later Bella walked in the room_ God I loved the way she smelled after a shower she smelled of strawberry's and roses she was so beautiful_ "Hey" she said sitting down next to me and smiled and said with a giggle "Edward you know you could have moved and inch" I chuckle and said "I was talking to Alice on the phone just before you came in" "Oh" Bella said a sad hint in her voice "Her and Jasper are coming back to opened the house and I not sure but I think everyone else will follow her" Bella looked at with a smile and said "when will she be here?" "Not quite sure their in the south trying to find some answers to her mystery there in Georgia" "Oh so they are going out at night then right?" "Yes" I said pulling my phone out and hitting the button Bella was starring at me and then smiled when I said "Alice someone here really wants to talk to you" I handed her the phone and she smiled and said "Hey Ali" Bella started laughing and said "Don't Ali that is so mean" and she was laughing again and then she her face turned at bit angry looking and said "Alice Cullen you better not" Then she started laughing again and then said "ok I will see you in two days" She handed me the phone and said "She wants to talk to you again" I smiled and listen to what Alice said then I said "Ok bye Alice" I hung up the phone and Bella wrapped her arms around me I kissed her hair and said "I love you too" Bella fell asleep quickly when she was sound asleep I got up and looked through her books and got out her old worn copy of Romeo and Juliet and started to read as I laid back down next to her. I was almost done with the book when she started to thrash and she screamed "No Edward don't not again please" I knew then what she was dreaming she was dreaming that I was leaving her again and I knew it would take sometime for her to realize I was never leaving again. I sighed how could I ever forgive myself for hurting her so deeply. I held her tight and she jumped and looked at my face she eyes held a look of pure terror and before she said anything I said "Bella love I am here and I am not leaving ever unless you want me to" she looked puzzled for a minute then she whispered "What did I say" I took a deep breath and said "No Edward don't not again please" I knew my face must have looked crushed because she said "Edward I trust you" "I know but your subconscious doesn't you still think I am going to leave and for that I will never forgive myself for hurting you so deeply you can sleep love I will still be here when you awake up" My Bella fell once again into a peaceful sleep and as the sun rose a few hours later I looked down and I thought_ Bella you are so beautiful when the sun hits face. Will you ever know just how sorry I am and how much I love you!_

_**Bella's POV**_

I slowly started waking up. I was cold for some reason but I had the covers all around me I had a wonderful dream last night and I delay the opening of my eyes so I could revel in the dream a little longer. I still smelled him from my dream and I felt his presence this I wanted to live in this moment forever and as I lay there trying my hardest to hold on to my dream I felt a cold hard hand caressing my cheek so I closed my eyes even hard and I thought _I haven't had a dream like this in a year where I actually felt him touch me and god it felt good it felt like home I was finally home and to think about it I slept really well last night I haven't slept that good in three years hmm I would hold on to this dream until it let me go_. I was unwilling to open my eyes but when I finally did I was rewarded with a sight I had longed to see for way to long I jump out of bed and looked at the Greek god laying on my bed bronze hair, wonderfully cold pale lips, beautiful honey colored eyes you could drown it and then as if right on cue the smooth as velvet voice "Bella are you ok Love I am sorry I didn't mean to scare you" "Edward?" I question was I awake this time really awake I looked down and pinched my arms and muttered "ouch" then looked back up "Yes Bella" "Oh my god you stayed with me all night and your still here" I said throwing myself into his arms with reckless abandon and he chuckle but his smile didn't meet his eyes as he said "Yes love I stayed and will stay for as long as you want me to please know that" "Ok hmm what are we going to do today?" "What are your plans?" "To stay here and do nothing" "Well we could go to my house everyone is suppose to be there later today" "Really" I said excited I looked up and giggling as my stomach grumbled and Edward smiled this one reaching his eyes "Glad to see some things don't change breakfast time for the human" I smiled as we walked into the living room which was still quite Amy must have still been asleep. I walked in to the kitchen and started the coffee. When I turned around Edward was sitting at the table I smiled and said "Hmm, this I like you look good sitting at the table" He smiled and said "Come here Love" I walked over to him and our lips met the tingling feeling I got every time we kissed before he left was back and as his tongue slide across by bottom lip it opened for him and our tongues began fighting for control as I thought_ God I had missed the way he tasted. _The kiss ended went I heard a knock on the front door I sighed and said "I guess I need to answer that" "Hmm you want me too" Edward said and smiled "No thanks in case it's the RA I don't want to be murder for having you in my room" I walked off and the knock on the door became louder. When I finally got to the door I opened it and said "Hi you guys what's up come in" I said stepping out of the way to let Brandi and Shawn in the living room. "Hey Bella, Amy is suppose to go to breakfast with us this morning do you want to go to" Shawn asked "Hmm, No thanks I have other plans" I said smiling "Bella are you sure you're ok I mean you looked like you saw a ghost last night or something" "Oh Brandi thanks for your concern but really I am fine I…" My voice was cut of by Edward coming out of the kitchen with my coffee cup in his hand "Bella how do you want your…Oh sorry hi am Edward Cullen" "Oh Hi I'm Brandi this is my husband Shawn" "Hey man" Shawn said politely and shook Edward's out reached hand. "hello Shawn and Brandi nice to meet you both" Edward's eyes swung down to meet mine and I said "Oh two teaspoons of sugar and the vanilla caramel creamer in the fridge" "Ok" He said walking off when the door to Amy's room flew open and she came out fully dressed and said "Good Morning Edward" as she passed him "Good Morning Amy did you sleep well" "Yes very thank you" Amy said with a slight blush coming to her face "hey guys" she said coming into the living room when another knock on the door came and I looked at Amy and she smiled and said "I have got the visitors I was expecting so I guess it's yours" "No I have mine" I said smiling and Amy rolled her eyes and went to the door opened it and I heard her say "Oh hi" The I heard a voice I knew very well but was kinda hoping to avoid till I figured out how to tell him Edward was back said "I am looking for Bella is this the right room" "Yeah I am Amy her roommate come in I will get her" "Oh Hi I am Jacob Black by the way" "Nice to meet you" Amy said as they came in the living room and I said "Hi Jake" "Bella I was hoping we could talk today" Jake said as Edward walked around the corner holding my coffee cup and handing it to me their eyes meet and I could tell they hated each other instantly. Edward walked back in the kitchen when I said "Jake I wasn't really expecting to talk to you. You never called me back and that was months ago and then you kinda show up here and well I am…" "Never mind I have got to go anyway be careful Bella Amy it was nice to meet you" "You to Jacob" Amy smiled at him and then turned to look at me I knew she wanted to know what was going on that both my former boyfriends were at my place at the same time but instead she tastefully said "Bella we are going to breakfast do you and Edward want to join us" I smile I had great friends they never failed to include me in everything they were doing even though they had know each other forever and they just met me it was nice to feel include but I said "No thanks Edward and I have plans today but thanks for asking us" They waved goodbye and Shawn called "Nice to meet you Edward see you later man" "Sure Shawn nice to meet you to later" I walked in the kitchen and Edward smiled at me and I put my coffee cup down on the table and he said "You have very protective friends" "Oh really I never noticed" I said smiling at him "Brandi is very small but very dangerous I have to admit she had some pretty good ideas on how it kill me if I hurt you again where as Amy hers were a little more normal" I laughed and said "Yes Brandi is small and sweet but don't piss her off" "Shawn seems like a nice guys" "He is" "I am not sure I can say the same for Jacob" "Well Edward I am sure he isn't happy to see you either hmm…we…kinda dated after you left for about a year and a few months ago I broke it off with him I…well I just couldn't be with him the way he wanted me to." I said sitting down at the table with a sigh. Edward was kneeling in front of me and I looked into those gorgeous honey colored eyes and he said "Bella Love what did you mean you couldn't be what he wanted you to be?" "Edward, are you sure you want to here this it isn't very pleasant" "Yes Love I want every detail" I took a deep breathe and started "Well I couldn't be a normal girlfriend to him I thought he was a good friend my best friend since…well he wanted more he wanted me to try and I couldn't because I didn't have a heart to give him he said in time I would feel different so I tried kissing him and it just felt wrong he would get upset and we went to Twisted a few months ago and I broke things off with him he knew why because I had told him about our relationship and then that night he though it in my face and he left and I could find him on the way home I had called to make sure he got home ok and he never called me back but I found out from Charlie that Sue said he gotten home ok but was really angry at me so I left it alone and moved in here and I hadn't heard from or spoke to him in three months" I sat there looking at the floor when Edward fingertip lifted my chin gently until my eyes met his and he said very softly "Love can I ask a question?" "Yes anything you want Edward" I whispered I was close to crying and I knew he knew it because he picked me up and wrapped his arms around me and sat back down and then he said "Why couldn't you give your heart to him you said you didn't have one to give why?" I was starring at him and I shook my head not wanting to tell him how I felt and he said "Bella please tell me" "No" I whispered "Why" "It's to painful for you I know you blame yourself for everything and I don't want…I just…NO" I said louder "Isabella Marie Swan I am not going anywhere I wish you…how can I make you believe me that I am eternally here" "I…am" My voice cut off again as tears filled my eyes and I put my hand on Edward's face and said "Kiss me" without another word his lips were soft and tender the kiss deepen when my tongue slide across his bottom lip begging for entrance as he opened his mouth to me I twisted my body so that now I was straddling him in the chair and I moaned as him hands squeezed my hips. I moved my hips and felt his arousal graze my heated core and I heard him groan he broke the kiss when I needed air and moved his lips to my neck and when he tongue slide down my neck and back up to the sweet spot behind my ear I said "Oh my god Edward" he smiled and returned his lips to mine and whispered "Tell me" "Edward I cant" I whined "Why not Love" "Because you will feel bad and I cant deal with that I am happy now and that is all that matters" "Not all that matters to me Love I want to be able to apologize properly" "You just did that" I smiled and he chuckled and said "No I didn't please Bella why couldn't you give your heart to him" "Fine, First because it belonged to you then because when you left it was shattered into a million different pieces and you are the only one who can pick them up and put them back together again he tried for a year and he couldn't so I know now only you can pick it up and heal it if you chose too" I said looking at him "Oh Bella" His voice was strained and sadden from what I told him I knew it would be, he was the air I breathed without him I died and he knew it. "Bella, I love you forever." My stomach growled just then and I said "Oh shut up down there" then I heard the best sound ever Edward laughed and I smiled as he picked me up and sat me down back in the chair we had been sitting taking my coffee cup and putting it in the microwave and turning towards the fridge he opened it and then turned and looked at me and said "Love there is nothing in here but Pepsi and milk, creamer and coffee" "Hmm yeah I will just eat cereal" I said blushing and walking over to the cabinet pulling the box of fruit loops out and grabbing a bowl as Edward handed me the milk when I handed it back I walked to table and sat down "What do you eat normally" Edward said astonished "Oh I eat at the café" I said smiling "I have a job and financial aid so it covers everything I need" I giggled at the look on his face. "Charlie sends me money sometimes along with Renee" I finished my breakfast and washed the bowl and put in away and turned around to find Edward starring at me so I said "What" "Do you like it here Bella" "It's ok small and not much privacy but I guess I really didn't need any before" I said walking into the living room sitting down on the couch pulling my knees up so I could rest my chin on them. Edward sat down next to me before I could blink and said "Bella are you ok?" "Yeah it's been a weird couple of days" "How so" "Well for the first time in a while I when to the club I told Jake I just wanted to be friends in which back fired in my face and then I leave and walk to my truck and Victoria is standing there and I think I am about to die then all the sudden out of what I think is thin air you appear and save me I pass out then wake up and you're driving my truck then we finally end up here you met everyone and then you and Jack are in the same room and I notice Amy has a crush on Jake which is really funny and then you ask if I am happy. It's all a little surreal to me right now" Edward didn't say anything for a while we just sat on the couch together starring into each others eyes I wasn't even sure how long we sat there until his phone rang with out taking his eyes off me he answered the phone "Alice" "Yes why?" "Two hours ok see you later" Edward hung up the phone then and looked at my with his crooked grin and said "Love, Carlisle and Esme are at the house and I need to go talk to Carlisle about some things before the others get back in two hours and right now" He stopped and looked at the door the I heard a small knock and he continued "Alice is at the door she wanted to talk to you" "Ok" I said and Edward noticed I was frowning so he said "Bella I am not going anywhere I will come back I just have to talk to Carlisle ok" "Yeah I know" I said walking over and opening the door and there stood by best friend short spiky hair smiling ear to ear "BELLA!" she squealed jumping up and down. "Alice, oh I missed you so much how are you" I said hugging her. "I am great but Bella really what is this" Alice looked down at the clothes I was wear so I said "They are sleeping clothes I will have you know" "Well good because I am not letting you leave here wearing that" I smiled and looked down I was wearing a pair of light blue cotton shorts and my favorite light blue t-shirt.


	3. Chapter 3

"Bye Edward" Alice said as he kissed my head and walked out the door I starred at the empty door frame he had just gone through my heart starting to break and the rip in my chest suddenly reared it ugly head and I felt like I couldn't breathe again. Alice was walking around my apartment and talking I could hear her bell like voice in my head but couldn't made out the words she was saying until she step in front of me and said "Bella it's ok Edward just went to see Carlisle" "I…I know I…I just kinda got to get used to the idea for a minute that's all" I said still starring at the opened door. Alice closed the door taking my arm and dragging me to the couch I sat down and pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them lightly rocking myself when I heard Alice say "Bella are you sure your ok I mean god what did we do to you" I looked at her tiny face and smiled I had really missed her so much "Alice it's not your fault you know it was Edward's decision to leave" I said wanting her to stop blaming herself had I not been about to fall to pieces I would have told her she was just like Edward always blaming herself for stuff that wasn't her fault "Yeah but I could have argued more I could have refused to go" "Alice you and Edward are to close for that I know you wouldn't wanted to make him mad like that besides it doesn't matter anyway you're here now" I smiled a weak smile at her and she wrapped her arms around me and said "Yes, now let's get you dressed so we can go Jasper is at home waiting for us he cant wait to see you." "Ok" I whispered and got off the couch with her when I got in my room Alice was looking in my closet the she looked over at me and said "Hmm looks like we are going to have to go shopping soon but I guess this will do" Alice pulled out my blue jean skirt and light pink sweater and I looked at her and said "Can I at leased were some thing comfortable" "Fine" she huffed and put the skirt back and pulled out my favorite jeans and handed them to me I smiled "Thank you" I said being truly grateful I could wear something comfortable all day "Your welcome now hurry up let's go" Alice squealed and I smiled. I missed her energy and that smile, her happiness was infectious before I knew it I was smiling. I put my clothes on reached in my school bag for my wallet and key and shoved them in my pockets and walked out of my room and into the living room when I looked up I saw Alice's worried face I stopped instantly "Alice" I said slowly I knew that face she was having a vision and it wasn't a good one "Oh god Alice what" a few seconds passed and then she looked at me and said "We have to go now" She pulled my arms and I we went out the door and I locked it behind us and we hurried out of the dorm and I paused at her car then she said "What? I wanted one so Jazz bought it for me" "Hmm Yellow?" I questioned and she smiled and said "OH shut up and get in" I obey and after putting on my seat belt Alice took off and I said "Alice what did you see" "Bella has… have you… Oh god that's right" she paused then looked at me and said "Victoria found out were you live" "Oh my god Amy?" I said about to panic thinking I had brought this on her when Alice looked over at me and said "No they will all be fine that's the blonde one right?" "Yes…wait what else did you see?" "I saw a man holding a woman around the waist she has black hair then a blonde laughing and then your room, and Victoria standing out side the building" Alice said and looked at me "Who are those people" "Amy is my roommate she is such a sweet girl she is the blonde and then the guy is Shawn he is married to Brandi the black headed one they are really close they all came from Texas to study here" "Oh" Alice said and I rode next to her in silence for a few minutes when I sighed "Bella?" I smiled "I am having a very surreal weekend" "Alice giggled and I smiled "I am sure you are" She said turning into the driveway to their house. Edward was out the door and opening my door on Alice's car before I could blink he smiled and held his hand out and said "Bella" "Hi" I smiled and then he looked at Alice and said "How close Alice" his voice sounded worried and his face showed it "What?" I said looking between them and the I realized what they were talking about Edward looked at me but Alice said "It's ok Edward we had five minutes and she was gone before they got home anyway" "Amy, Shawn and Brandi are back at my apartment now" I asked "Yes they got there 10 minutes after we left and Victoria left when she found out you weren't there anymore" Edward said looking at me and the said "Don't worry they're fine" "She is not interested in them at all" Alice said and I smiled and looked at Edward and said "Did you talk to Carlisle" "Yes" he said smiling "they are very happy to see you Esme is practical screaming at me to bring you in the house' I laughed and we walked in the house and instantly Esme was it front of me pulling me into an embrace and saying "Oh Bella I have missed you so much" I laughed and said "Esme I missed you too" After we hugged Carlisle was right behind her smiling and saying "Bella dear how are you doing it has been to long" "Carlisle, I am doing pretty good this weekend" I said smiling looking back at Edward he was smiling to then I heard a voice I missed almost as much as Edward's and Alice's I turned around and Jasper was standing behind me smiling "Hi Bella" his southern drawl thick as always "Hi Jasper" I smile then said "Alice keeping you busy shopping" he laughed and then said "Unfortunately yes" "Jasper Whitlock Cullen I heard that" Alice voice sounded through the house and we all laughed. "Bella" Edward said and I followed him out of the room and up the stairs to his room a room I hadn't been in for three years I stopped at the door and hesitated "Bella" Edward looked at me and I smiled "I…hmm it…" "It's ok do you not want to…" "No it's not that I just well I feel a little weird that's all" I said looking at Edward he smiled and said "I know I am sorry but I wanted to show you something" "Ok" I said stepping towards him took his hand and he opened the door. The room looked the same except for the huge bed sitting in the middle of it. I turned and looked at him and he said "Bella I was wondering and tell me if you think it is too early but I wanted to know do you want to stay here?" I was stunned I was just starring a him for a while I finally found my voice and said "Edward I really want to stay at the dorm for this semester" I said _I don't know why the thought of stay here freaked me out so much but it did _I thought but I saw the disappointment in his eyes so I continued and said "But I would love to spend the weekends here with you" "Ok" he said with that crooked grin I loved so much.


End file.
